Cortez TKOs Cruz with Impressive Left Hook

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Ted Cruz faced off last Thursday, Jan. 28th on Twitter, the popular digital/political boxing arena, for what was a quick TKO by Cortez. Cruz, simultaneously playing the roles of Wile E. Coyote and Eddie Haskell, sauntered into the fight with a sly grin, hands down at his sides. He appeared to offer a makeshift draw as he seconded a motion by Cortez to investigate Robinhood, the online trading platform that suspiciously suspended trading on GameStop, the failing retail store whose inflated stock was responsible for a short squeeze on Wallstreet.

Stepping cautiously forward, hands up and in a solid boxing stance, Cortez threw an impressive left hook to the chin of Cruz, knocking him dizzy and partially dislodging one of his fangs. The referee called the fight in favor of Cortez as Cruz struggled to maintain his posture after returning to his feet.

Cortez said quote, “I am happy to work with Republicans on this issue where there’s common ground, but you almost had me murdered 3 weeks ago so you can sit this one out. Happy to work with almost any other GOP that aren’t trying to get me killed. In the meantime, if you want to help, you can resign.”

And resign Cruz did, at least from this bout. But looking beyond this fight, boxing analysts suggest that it will take something more akin to a wooden stake, stabbed to the heart of Cruz to finish his career.

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